


I wish I could tell you how much I love you

by TheGhostOfBenjamin



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Beating, Bullying, Depression, Emotionally Repressed, Fear, Forced, Forced Pregnancy, Multi, Other, Overthinking, Platonic Soulmates, Rape/Non-con Elements, Regret, Romantic Soulmates, Self-Harm, Soulmates, Suicide Attempt, hopelessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-22 16:01:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGhostOfBenjamin/pseuds/TheGhostOfBenjamin
Summary: TW! This chapter contains description of selective mutism, anxiety, bullying, overthinking, depression, self-harm, suicide attempt, rape, hopelessness, regret, beating, forced life, repressed emotions and fear.When a person turns one year old, a sentence will appear somewhere on their body. The text varies from person to person, even the style and color of it. This sentence is the first words their soulmate will say to them.Virgil is a rare case. Instead of one sentence, he received three. His parents accepted him for it, but others didn’t. During his childhood, he was bullied and beaten for being the odd one out. When he was five, he was diagnosed with selective mutism. When things got worse, he remained mute and refused to talk.Logan, Roman and Patton meets the same fate, but instead of three sentences, they receive two. Life isn’t easy for either of them.  Logan is forced to succeed, Roman is told he was a mistake and Patton is thrown away to an orphanage.Maybe one day, they will find each other?





	1. It’s a brew-tiful day, isn’t it?

**Author's Note:**

> Be careful when reading this story ✩

Virgil was diagnosed with selective mutism by the age of five. His teachers had noticed his awkward body language and stiffness around the other children and proceed to talk about it with his parents. They agreed to take him to a check-up, hoping that the doctors could help him.

The doctors confirmed he had selective mutism and Virgil was assigned to behavioral therapy. When he got older he began with anti-anxiety medication as well as psychotherapy. However, it didn’t work out as his parents had hoped and Virgil remained quiet. He became mute around everyone, even his parents, and had to learn sign language in order to communicate with others. Mostly he used his phone or a notebook to communicate, because few people knew sign language. This was also one of the reason Virgil rarely left his house, the constant struggle to communicate with others through text. He rathered stayed at home, where he didn’t need to write down everything he said and he could stay curled up in blankets. 

He had moved out from his parents house a couple of years ago. He still refused to talk with anyone and continued to use his notepad or phone to write. However, he had promised to try socializing more often, trying to be around people at least once or twice in the week, if only for a short time. He didn’t remember who he promised that or if it was even for him, probably his parents. They still loved him, but always used to worry a bit much for him. 

 

As he entered the cafe, he wasn’t surprised when he signed to a women in the desk, who apologized for not understanding him. Virgil was used to it and took out his phone to write down his order. The women smiled at him and told him to sit down, and that his order would be out soon. She also apologized for not understanding, which Virgil wrote back that it was okay. He hated when people apologized. It wasn’t their fault he couldn’t talk, but somehow that’s how it went by almost every time. 

Sighing, Virgil sat down at a table in the corner, his back free from intruders. He hated when people watched him or could see what he was writing. Not that he wasn’t used to people reading his work, he was a writer after all. He had already given out three books, and was currently writing on his fourth. 

His thoughts were interrupted when a man approached him, putting his order in front of him. He looked up from his computer, looking worriedly at the man in front of him, wishing that he wouldn’t need to have a communication with him. 

The man wore a uniform, black shirt and black pants. But compared to the others, he also wore a apron, indicating that he worked in the back. Another thing that differed to his employes, was the fact that he was wearing loose sleeves in a bright blue color, covering most of his arms. Brown, fluffy hair peaked out from under a cap, that workers had to wear, and his blue eyes stared happily at Virgil from behind squared glasses. A big smile was growing on his lips, Virgil shyly curled up in his hoodie. 

“It’s a brew-tiful day, isn’t it?”. The man said, and Virgil felt close to fainting when he heard the words. 

 

The day a person turned one year old, a sentence would appear somewhere on their body. The text varied from person to person, even the style and color. This sentence were the first words your soulmate would say to you. The words had the soulmates handwriting and could sometimes give a small hint towards who it was. 

There were rare occasions of people never getting any words. When the internet had became more popular, a site was created for those without words. Bringing hope for those who destiny hadn’t chosen someone for. 

Sometimes the words could disappear, meaning that the soulmate had died or something else had happened. Sometimes new words would appear but this was very rare and people often gave up hoping. A lot of meetings were organized for people who lost their words and soulmate. 

Virgil was part of a group, where weird things happened to people. On his first birthday, not one but three sentences had showed up, each one with a different style and color. His parents had been horrified when it happened, not believing their eyes as three sentences began to form on their sons body. It took awhile for them to process it all, but they happily accepted the fact. 

Everyone wasn’t as accepting about it as they had been, however, causing Virgil to get into a lot of trouble growing up. The other children would hit him, call him names and get him into trouble when he didn’t do as they said. He had to change school several times because of this. Virgil would often try to hide his words under big shirts or hoodies. He’d keep his distance each time he changed school, but it was not always enough. When he was diagnosed with selective mutism, things got worse. He stopped talking, becoming more and more anxious, until he broke down. His parents decided to homeschool him after that. 

 

The man looked expectantly at Virgil, almost beaming with happiness. The blue eyes magically growing bigger. Virgil had to compose himself, taking a deep breath. He reached for his notebook and scribbled out a message for the man. 

‘Sorry, I can’t talk. But I think we are soulmates’. Virgil handed the man his notebook, revealing the arm for the other to read. There on his wrist stood the man’s words, written with a childish style and a sky-blue pen, the color making it look like his veins had written it. 

Virgil almost yelped when the man embraced him in a hug, but quickly relaxed. He wouldn’t hurt him. They stayed like that for a long time, feeling each others comfort and warmth. Virgil reached up to feel to soft hair on his soulmate, making the other man giggle. As payback, the man ruffled Virgil’s hair with his hand, giggling as Virgil reached up fix his own hair, a silent smile on his lips. 

When they parted, the man reached out to dry Virgil’s tears, he didn’t even notice he had been crying. He looked up at the man and notice a few tears falling down the man’s cheeks as well. Hesitantly he reached up to dry them away, smiling softly as he did. It felt like an eternity as they took in each others presences, goofily smiling at each other. 

“I’m just so happy.”. The man said, letting a few tears fall down his cheeks again. Virgil was quick to dry them away, before reaching for his notebook, which laid abandoned in the table. 

He scribbled out his message, holding it up for the other to read. 

‘My name is Virgil. What is your name?’.

“I’m Patton… Virgil, I can’t believe this… you are actually here…”. Patton embraced him in yet another hug, small sobs escaping his throat. Virgil hugged him back, drawing circles on his back. 

They stayed like that for a long time. It was Patton who let go first, drying away the tears before Virgil could, smiling sheepishly at him. 

“I must find my boss, he is probably mad that I haven’t returned…”. Patton began, looking at his watch. “I wished I didn’t need to leave… but I can’t lose this job… I’ll promise I’ll be back soon, my shift ends in two hours… Maybe we can get to know each other better then?”. He finished, a worried smile asking for understanding. 

Virgil nodded happily, giving him a reassuring smile. He reached for his notebook, writing yet another message on it. 

‘I understand. I’ll be here, waiting for you.’.

Patton looked even closer to tears as he read to note, hugging Virgil again. 

“Thank you so much.”. 

They reached for a hug, but a voice interrupted them. Patton had clearly been away for longer than his boss liked, and had to hurry back. Before he did, he gave Virgil a quick hug, dried away his tears and hurried off. 

Virgil sat back down again, his heart fluttering as he waited for Patton, his soulmate, to return. This was definitely worth going outside for. 

 

Patton wouldn't say he had an awesome childhood. On his first birthday, his parents decided they didn’t want him, and left Patton at an orphanage. He had just received his first words and, like Virgil, he had more than one. Instead of one sentence, he had two, each one with a different style and color. His parents explained in a letter that it was the reason they had to get rid of the child. When Patton received his letter, when he was old enough, he cried for more than a week. He never knew the reason he was left at the orphanage, but the reality was heartbreaking for him. Patton made sure to cover his words after that, not wanting people to see the freak his parents had seen him as. 

When Patton turned ten, he was adopted by a lonely man and women who couldn’t get a child on their own. The women was cheerful and kind, always wearing a smile on her lips. She was the first one to talk with Patton, embracing him in a hug. Patton hesitantly hugged her back, staring at the man behind her. He was a kind man, a bit shyer than his wife. It took a couple of days before Patton received a hug from him, it was one of the best hugs he had gotten. 

Patton stayed with his new parents, growing up with them. He was hesitant about it. The first week at his new home he asked them, several times each day, when they would return him to the orphanage. It took even longer for him to call them ‘mom’ and ‘dad’, the women cried the first time he did, embracing Patton in a hug. Patton enjoyed living with them, but felt hesitant on why they would want a freak like him. This caused a lot of insecurity and anxiety to develop.

When Patton became a teenager, he was diagnosed with depression. His orphanage parents had found him one morning, passed out in the bathroom, blood covering his arms. He cried when he woke up at the hospital, the woman and man still by his side, despite what he had tried to do. A lot of things were told that day and Patton explained his fear of destroying the women and man’s life. He told them he was freak and that they shouldn’t want him. They convinced him to take medication and he began talking with a therapist. Patton, once again, tried to stop them from wasting money in him, but he gave in. He had no way of convincing them otherwise. 

It wasn’t until much later, Patton told them about the words and the letter his parents had left him. He was scared of what they would say about it. Maybe this could convince them to return him to the orphanage. Patton, however, didn’t expect them to embrace him in a hug, assuring him that they accepted him for who he was. They told him about their first meeting and promised him that his soulmates would love him just as much. It was the first time he embraced them in a hug, his parents cried even more that day.

 

When Patton returned, two hours later, his smile was even bigger and he had changed clothes. Instead of his uniform he wore loose, beach-colored pants and a blue polo shirt. Over his shirt, he wore a grey hoodie with cat-paws and cat-ears. Virgil felt himself melt, a goofy smile forming on his lips. Patton smiled happily back at him. 

“You ready?”. Patton asked him, holding out his arm for the other to take. 

Virgil nodded, quickly packing up his things. He took Patton’s hand and they walked out together, smiling sheepishly as they exited. They walked around the city for a while, enjoying each others company, talking about their life. 

It felt magical, everything was just so perfect. But Virgil couldn’t help but to feel his anxieties swarm through his head as they finally settled down on a park bench. He was still holding hands with Patton, the other smiling happily at the view. He carefully squeezed Patton’s hand, pointing on his notebook. Patton let go of his hand, allowing Virgil to reach for his notebook. Virgil made a distant between them, making sure the other couldn’t see what he was writing. Patton looked curiously at him but allowed the other to write in peace. It felt like an eternity until Virgil showed Patton the note. 

‘Sorry, I just wondered… I showed you the mark that connects me with you, and I was wondering if you had some as well?’. 

Patton gave Virgil a reassuring pat on his shoulder, before speaking. 

“You don’t have to apologize…”. He began, giving Virgil a warm smile. “To answer your question, I do. You want to see them?”.

Virgil hesitantly nodded, watching as Patton showed him his marks. In return Virgil showed him the marks on his body. Patton must have noticed something in Virgil’s look, because he grabbed Virgil for a hug, drawing circles on his back. 

“Is anything wrong?”. Patton asked after a while, he parted just enough so he could see Virgil’s face. 

Virgil motioned for his notebook and Patton let him go, giggling softly for not realising. 

‘Sorry, I was scared…’. Virgil began, writing only a sentence. 

“It’s okay to be scared. I was scared about this too… I guess we both had to go through a lot before this?”. Patton said, his smile disappearing as tears began to fall down his cheeks. 

‘Yeah…’. Virgil wrote back, allowing his tears to fall. 

He looked up when Patton dried them away, a small smile on the others lips. Virgil felt himself smile back at him. It felt so weird, but yet so right.

‘Want to talk about it? I can begin if you feel hesitant.’. Virgil asked him, holding the notebook out for Patton to read. 

“Yeah… If you feel okay with it?”.

‘Yeah, just give me a minute to write it down.’. 

Patton couldn’t help but smile, Virgil was everything he could have wished for. Yet he couldn’t help but hate himself a bit. He didn’t even know about him. He only had two marks, two sentences. Virgil had explained that he was mute, so of course it wasn’t possible for him to have a sentence. Virgil had three, one was Patton’s, and the two others were yet to be revealed. But if Patton only had two marks, it must be the same for the other two. Virgil was alone with knowing about that, the other’s didn’t know about him. 

Patton was interrupted in his thoughts when Virgil poked him, smiling shyly as he gave Patton the notebook. 

‘Sorry, this is probably a mess to understand…’.


	2. Please, forgive me for almost hitting you with this book

Virgil and Patton lived together in a three-room apartment with a bathroom. The rooms were simply decorated, yet covered with cute posters Patton insisted on them having. He even got Virgil to put up a few off his own. Their styles were different but they somehow managed to decorate the apartment so both were happy. 

The living room, combined with a kitchen and dining room, was probably the messiest, yet the cosiest. They had bought a big couch and a colorful carpet in front of the TV. Behind the couch was the dining table, which was rarely used, since they often watched movie as they ate, cuddling up to each other. The kitchen was on the other side of the room, simple but with enough equipment for cooking, and baking, which Patton loved to do. 

Their bedroom had a double bed for both of them to snuggle up in. Lots of pillows and blankets were thrown on it, almost making the bed disappear. Patton insisted on putting up pictures of each other in the room, Virgil happily agreed. 

The bathroom was simple. To Virgil’s joy, a bathtub was installed. The first day he spent more than an hour in the bathroom. Patton found him later that night sitting in the bathtub, bubbles covering both him and parts of the floor. Virgil smiled worriedly at him, a smirk hiding on his lips. He was well aware of the mess he had made, but this was his first bubble bath ever. He just couldn’t resist the urge to fill the tub with bubbles that smelled so amazingly. Patton only laughed at the cuteness of his soulmate. 

The last room was the smallest. They decided to keep it simple, using it as a storage and a closet. Their clothing style was a bit different. Virgil often wore big hoodies and ripped jeans while Patton wore colorful clothes and sometimes even dresses, which Virgil adored. He had been shy about admitting it at first, but Virgil assured him he looked wonderful in them.

It took even longer for Patton to show Virgil his arms. He always made sure to cover them up with loose sleeves or a comfortable hoodie. Virgil had asked him about it one day, and Patton broke down in tears, crying harshly as he held on to Virgil. It took a long time to calm him down and Patton was quick to apologize, Virgil assured him it was okay. Patton hesitantly revealed his arms. There weren’t many, but the few that were there, was big and obvious. Patton hated them, hated himself for doing them. But Virgil assured him it was okay, that he had survived and how thankful he was for that. 

Virgil had explained about his panic attacks. Patton had been heartbroken when he found Virgil curled up in a corner, hyperventilating. But Patton knew how to help him, and after a long time Virgil could explain why he got an attack in the first place. 

They slowly learned each others differences over the time. They fell more and more in love with each other and everything was perfect, until one day, when everything changed. 

 

It had been a normal day. Patton had woken up early, making breakfast for his soulmate. Virgil was quick to help him finish, hugging him from behind to stop the other from doing all the work. They would spend the morning talking about their day and sometimes they would curl up in the bed to watch movies, if they had nothing planned. 

Today, however, was not one of those days. Virgil had told Patton about the books he needed for his writing, and asked if Patton wanted to join him. Without any doubt, Patton had practically jumped out of his seat, already eager to leave. Virgil let a silent giggle escape his throat, as he was dragged away by an overexcited Patton. 

Less than hour later, they arrived at the library. Virgil in one of his big hoodies and ripped jeans, and Patton in a yellow skirt with a white t-shirt, practically jumping with joy. He had been hesitant at first but Virgil peppered him with love and told him how beautiful he looked. At last, Patton decided to wear the skirt, but he refused to go out without his loose sleeves. He was growing more and more confident, his eyes sparkling with determination. Virgil looked at him, love in his eyes. 

 

By the time they entered Patton almost immediately ran away to a group of children. He loved children more than anything and took every opportunity to play with them if possible. Virgil smiled at him, but couldn’t deny the anxiety building up. It was hard enough with his anxieties, and the fact that he couldn’t talk made it worse. He always struggled with conversations.

In the far end of the library, in a corner, stood a librarian. He was quietly stocking books by himself and didn’t seemed bothered by the children running around the library. He was good, not a lot of people around him and possibly easy to talk with, Virgil thought, slowly walking over to the man. He had written down what he needed to say already, all he needed was to get the man’s attention. 

Said man had short brown hair, almost black by the look of it. He wore a black polo shirt together with a blue tie, almost the same color as Patton’s loose sleeves. The dark-blue jeans were spotless, as well as the rest of him. 

Virgil hesitantly reached out to poke the man, his way of getting people to notice him. This, however, turned out to be a mistake. The man let out a yelp, swinging around and almost throwing the book, he held at the minute, at Virgil. Frightened by the sudden and hasty movements, Virgil stumbled backwards, falling in the process. He unintentionally held out his arms, trying to cover part of his face from a possible attack.

The man, himself, looked terrified. He hadn’t meant to scare the other, he just didn’t hear when the person walked up behind him. He tried to reach forward, but Virgil quickly backed away, tears threatening to fall. The man took a step back, understanding his mistake. 

“Please, forgive me for almost hitting you with this book.”. The man said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. He had never been good with emotions.

 

His parents only cared about one thing, and that was prestige. It was important for them that people looked up at them, meaning most of the people should stand below them. They were already fairly rich and lived in a big mansion. The father was a doctor and the mother a lawyer. 

When Logan was born, the expectations on him were high. His parents expected the best from him and would accept no less. Before he was even born, a plan had been made for him. He was going to be raised to be their perfect son. Any mistakes would be punished and other dreams would be destroyed. 

Logan managed to live up to his parents expectations for a long time, but eventually messed up. The first time it happened, was in second grade. Logan had received a ‘C+’ on one of his test. The night before he had fallen asleep, and didn’t have enough time to study the next morning. His parents had been furious. They scolded him for more than an hour, until they forced him to bed without dinner. Things just went downhill after that. 

Logan struggled more and more with school, the harder it became to more he needed to study. His parents weren’t to much help, telling Logan he should be able to handle it himself. But Logan couldn’t keep up. As soon as his grades began to drop, his parents were there to scold him. Eventually they began hitting him, making sure the bruises weren’t visible in public. 

It didn’t help that his classmates too began hitting him. The teachers were the first to notice, and hurriedly sent him to the school’s nurse and welfare office. He was taken care of and offered to talk about the fights, but Logan kept quiet. He knew that he would get in trouble if he said anything. It continued like this for a long time until Logan’s parents were informed, without his knowledge.

When he came home that day, his parents stood by the door, looking at him with fury in their eyes. A heated argument took place and Logan was beaten by both of his parents. He barely made it to his room, the parents banging on his door. Logan hurriedly called the police. When his parents broke down the door, they began hitting him once again. And that was how the police found them, Logan laying on the floor with his parents hovering above him. The parents were arrested and Logan was sent to his grandmother. He changed school and got help to express his feelings. He still had a lot of trouble expressing his emotions but he had improved. 

 

It took Patton a while to notice Virgil’s absence. He had been overjoyed with the idea of visiting the library that he hurried off a soon as they entered. A couple of kids playing in the end of the library had catched his eyes. He loved children. 

As his mind catched up to his actions, Patton quickly excused himself. The children gave him a wave goodbye before continuing playing, a few even hugged him. Patton’s heart melted as he walked away, searching for his missing soulmate. He was pretty sure Virgil had probably asked a librarian for help. He had almost filled up a whole page with books he needed, and finding them himself would be hard. 

Patton had expected to find Virgil, carrying multiple books, and a librarian helping him find the rest on his list. He hadn’t expected to find Virgil on the ground, shaking, and a man standing over him, with a book ready to strike. He determined walked up to them both, standing in front of Virgil, protecting him. 

“Don’t you dare!”. He shouted, an angry look on his face. 

The man backed away from them both, dropping the book. He quickly held up his hands in a defensive stance, showing that he meant no harm. His voice lost in his throat. He was to scared to process the words that had left the strangers mouth. 

Patton took a determined step towards the man, making him back away further, curling up on himself. 

“I knew this was a bad idea.”. Logan managed to get out, falling to the ground when the stranger took yet another step towards him. 

The stranger let out a gasp and Logan hesitantly looked up to see the man staring wide eyed at him. Patton looked back at Virgil, who quickly nodded at him. Patton hurried of to help Virgil back up, feeling the regret grow in his stomach. They both faced the other man. Patton held out his hand to help him, but when the man shielded his face with his arms, Patton backed away. He looked helplessly at Virgil. As an answer Virgil took out his notebook, scribbling out a note for the man. He carefully gave it to him. 

‘Hi, I’m Virgil and the person beside me is Patton. Sorry about all of this, it was my fault to begin with… I’m sorry that I startled you… I’m mute, so I couldn’t really confront you in any other way… Sorry again, Patton thought you were attacking me, so he only tried to help… We’re soulmates… and it’s seems like we are too.’.

The man looked up at them both, shy smiles on their lips as they showed their marks. Logan looked down at his own, as he allowed his body to rest on the floor. He hid his face in has hands and groaned, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. It didn’t help as the other peeked down on him, worry clear in their faces. A sob escaped his throat and both Patton and Virgil hugged him, Patton apologizing as Virgil did comforting circles on his back. 

 

When Logan had calmed down, he stopped for a moment to look at them. He dried away the tears that had started to fall yet again and let out a sigh. They both looked at him, Virgil with a hesitant look and Patton with tears falling down his own cheeks. Logan reached for him, drying away the tears as the other let out a small chuckle. He held out the other hand towards Virgil, who carefully took it, drawing circles on it with his thumb. He let out another sigh, looking at the ground. 

“I’m sorry…”. He said, curling up on himself. “I knew I would mess this up…”. 

“You didn’t mess anything up… it was all a misunderstanding…”. Patton said, reaching for the others hand. Logan let him take it, watching Patton’s hand curl up in his.

Virgil silently handed him a second note. 

‘It was my fault for startling you… your fighting instincts told you to protect yourself… you didn’t do anything wrong.’. 

“Thank you.”.

It was quiet as Logan calmed himself down, the other helping him in any way they could. He felt weak but still so safe, he didn’t want the moment to end. It was Patton who broke the silence. 

“Do you want take a walk or something, catch up and... solve things?”.

“Sounds great… I just need to fix these books, then I’m finished for the day.”. Logan answered, shakely standing up. 

Virgil handed him another note. Logan made a mental note to learn sign language himself, for Virgil. 

‘You want help?’.

“Thanks…”. He answered. The two of them stood up and began placing the books in the correct order, neither of them speaking a word. 

 

Once they were finished, Logan went to the back to get his stuff. Virgil and Patton happily waited outside, deciding on getting Virgil’s books another day. Logan was more important.

It took a long time until Logan returned, it looked like he had been crying. Patton tackled Logan in a hug when the man came in sight, a soft laugh escaping Logan’s mouth. He hugged him back, watching Virgil over Patton shoulder. The man stared back at him, smiling softly. Something about his smile seemed hesitant, but Logan had no time to think about it. Patton reached for his hand and dragged both him and Virgil outside. Logan looked at Virgil, who shot back a glance that basically said ‘you’ll get used to it’. 

They walked into a park, the one Patton and Virgil had visited the first time they meet. They told stories about themself. Logan walked in the middle of them, smiling sheepishly. He felt so happy. He could barely believe it, he had found two of his soulmates.

“Can we sit down for a minute?”. Logan hesitantly asked, looking at the others. 

“Of course.”. Patton answered and Virgil gave him a small nod, signaling that he to was okay with the suggestion. 

They found a bench not far from their current location. When they sat down, Virgil almost immediately handed over a note for Logan. 

‘Are you okay? I understand if this is a lot to take in…’.

“I’m more than okay… I just can’t believe you are actually here… that you didn’t abandon me…”. The last part was whispered, but Virgil heard it and scribbled out a note for Logan.

‘Why would we abandon you?’. 

“I just…”. Logan took a deep breath, hiding his face in his hands. Patton laid an arm on his shoulder. “I just thought you would hate me for what I did… I messed up so bad… and somehow, you’re still here… I’m just so happy that- I couldn’t wish for anything else.”. Logan explained. 

It was Patton’s turn to offer his reassurance. 

“We would never abandon you… what happened before was a misunderstanding… we are all to blame for that…”. Patton said, awkwardly fiddling with his loose sleeves. 

Logan smiled at Patton, feelings his heart fluther against his ribcage. Was this how it felt to be loved? He turned to Virgil, who was nervously fiddling with his notebook. 

“Is anything on your mind? You can tell me, I feel like I kinda own you that.”. Logan said, resting his hand on Virgil’s shoulder, like Patton did to him.

Virgil fiddled a bit more with his notebook, before turning to face the others, his notebook invisible to the others. He scribbled out a note on it, before carefully handing it over.

‘Sorry, I’m just weird… I was wondering if you had more than one mark on your body?’. 

Logan nodded and showed the two marks he had on his body, one of them Patton’s and the other unknown. In return Patton and Virgil both showed him theirs. Logan was smiling brightly, still a bit ashamed. But he felt happy nonetheless. He told them about his childhood. How he had to learn about feelings and that he now lived with his grandmother. In return they told him about their childhoods. They were a crying mess by the end of it.


	3. There’s a better solution than this

Roman was not like most kids his age, he was unique, as his mother told him. Most of the kids he knew had two parents, soulmates, in love, but Roman only had one. 

His mother had been walking around the city late at night, headphones in her ears. She didn’t notice the man stalking up behind her, neither did she have time to defend herself as she was thrown inside a car. She was drugged and taken away. That night, she was raped and got pregnant. She tried her hardest to convince the judges that it was unfair, but they didn’t listen to her. She was forced to carry the child. The rapist walked free. 

Nine months later she gave birth to a boy. She cried on the bed. She didn’t want a child this way, but she was determined to give him a good childhood, and she did. Even though she had to work late night and early mornings, she managed to take care of him. Her son had food on the table, went to school and had a roof above their head. 

The day he got his words, his mother cried of happiness. He had been blessed with two soulmates, two soulmates who would be able to give him all the love she wished she could give him. Work took up most of her time, and she hated herself for it. 

When Roman turned ten, his mother had promised to buy a birthday cake for him. Roman tried to stop her, telling her he didn’t want any. But his mother was determined, and when she had decided something, it was hard to change her mind. 

It was also the day she meet the love of her life. In the cafe she had entered she stood, a gorgeous smile on her lips. Roman squealed with joy when they returned. Her soulmate hugged Roman, and his mother cried. She accepted her. She accepted him. 

They moved in together shortly after that. The soulmate helped Roman and his mother. She helped them get a roof over their head, food on the table and school for Roman. His mother couldn’t be more in love. And Roman couldn’t be happier for his mothers. 

 

The time they spent together was wonderful. Logan moved in with them shortly after, adding his collection of things to the apartement. A couple science posters, more books they all could carry and other necessities. Logan was, like Patton, a morning person. They would wake up by the same time, and often helped to fix breakfast. By the time Virgil was awake, the breakfast was ready and they peppered him with kisses before they ate. After breakfast, Virgil would spend some time writing, Logan would read one of his many books, and Patton would either bake or cook something. 

The afternoon was usually spent together, cuddling and watching movies. Virgil would be the first to give up for the day, curling up on the couch, while waiting for the others. Logan was usually the second one to arrive. Patton joined them shortly after. 

Virgil didn’t know when or why it started. He noticed the way Logan and Patton curled up to each other, how they laughed as they cooked, how they seemed to enjoy each others company. But Virgil wasn’t there. How could he? 

He began to distance himself from them, in small and simple ways. He didn’t write as much or signed, Logan and Patton had taken a few lessons in sign language. He slept longer, allowing the others more time together in the morning. He told them he would join movie nights, but usually turned up when the last movie started. This way they could be together and he would not be in the way. 

He wasn’t jealous. He just felt like he didn’t fit in. If he hadn’t showed them his marks, neither of them would know he existed. And maybe it was better that way. 

 

Both Patton and Logan had fallen asleep. Virgil remained on his phone, scrolling through social medias until he was sure they wouldn’t notice him moving. Quietly, he made his way towards the door, his hoodie hiding him in the dark. He headed outside, making sure the door was locked before he began walking. 

He didn’t know where he was headed, only that he needed to get away. The stars were shining and the wind was cold against his skin. He didn’t stop until he reached the bridge. It was beautiful, you could see the whole city from here. He leaned on the railing for a while, taking in the scenery. It didn’t take long till he was on the other side of it, sitting on the small space there was. His feet moving in a calm motion and his head resting in his hands. . 

“There’s a better solution than this.”. A voice said from behind him. 

Virgil looked up to see a man, hand reaching for him. The man was taller than him, probably even taller than Logan. A breeze made his short, brown hair look messy, but he didn’t seem to care. He was wearing tight jeans and a red jacket, covering most of the white shirt under it. If Virgil hadn’t been so tired, he would have seen the man's cheeks were covered in glitter. 

Virgil nodded as a return. The man helped him over the railing. Virgil hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go. The man hugged him back, after a second hesitation. They stayed like that for a long time until Virgil eventually let go. 

Of course he hadn’t taken his notebook with him. The man awkwardly rubbed his hands together, looking hesitantly at him. Virgil struggled a bit with his hoodie, before showing him the mark with his words. It was Virgil’s turn to get tackled in a hug. He held onto Virgil, before he spinned around with the other still in his arms. Virgil let a silent giggle escape his lips, smiling brightly. The man kissed him on his forehead, smiling back at him. 

“I’m so happy to have found one of you.”. He sang, looking at Virgil with love in his eyes. 

Virgil smiled at him before he tried to explain everything, without his notebook. Somehow, Virgil managed to motion for the other to follow him home. Roman happily agreed, taking Virgil’s hand as they began to walk. 

Roman did most of the talking. He was very animated and always searched for some sort of touch from Virgil. After the spin hug, he snuggled up to Virgil without any hesitation. On the walk home, Roman held his hand, walking as close as he could.

They walked around the city until the sun suddenly rose. Virgil knew both Patton and Logan would be awake by now, meaning they would have noticed his absence. Patton would probably fight him when he returned and Logan would hug him to death. Both options seemed okay right now. 

Virgil looked helplessly at Roman, he couldn’t explain all of this without a notebook of some sort. Hesitantly he tried to motion that he wanted to tell the other something. Roman seemed to understand, as he handed over his phone.

“I’m not sure what you’re saying… maybe you can write on the phone?”. Roman said, a hesitant smile on his lips. 

Virgil smiled as he took the phone. They stopped for a while. It was easier for Virgil to stand still while writing, and it gave Roman time to just look at the other. His heart pounded in his chest. He was deep in love with this human. The careful questions, the silent giggles and the hesitant smiles he gave. Roman looked at him with a goofy smile. 

The phone was handed back to him and he read it out loud. 

‘Sorry for keeping you up all night… you seemed so happy and I needed someone to talk with….

my place is not far from here… we can both get some rest and I can find some paper to explain things to you?’. 

“Sound wonderful, my dear.”. Roman sang, grabbing Virgil for another spin hug. Virgil let out a silent giggle, hugging the other back.

Virgil motioned for Roman to follow him. They walked in silence.

 

Virgil struggled with the keys for a while, his fingers numb from the cold. He just managed to open the door before a person tackled him to the ground, tears falling from the others eyes. 

Roman stared at the scene in front of him. A man, still dressed in pyjama pants and a big hoodie held on to Virgil with an iron grip. At first, he didn’t know if he should be concerned. But those thoughts were quickly thrown aside when the man spoke. 

“I’m going to physically fight you.”. The man said, shaking Virgil while looking him over for any sort of injury. 

Roman couldn’t help but the words escaping his mouth, as he watched the two of them on the floor. 

“I’m not sure that will work.”. 

The man let go of Virgil, just enough to look at the man behind him. Their eyes meet and Roman couldn’t help but get lost in the man’s eyes. They both shot a look at Virgil, who had a big smile on his lips. And Roman could swear he fell even more in love with him. 

The situation was abrupted by a second man walking in on the scene. He too, was still in his pyjamas, although his hair looked way too good to be real. He looked down at the two on the floor, before his gaze stopped on Roman. He walked up to him, giving a still confused Patton a pat on his back. 

“Thank you for your help.”. Logan said, shaking the man’s hand. 

Roman felt like fainting, the only thing stopping him was the hand in his. He looked up at the man, confusion clear in the others eyes.

“This must be a dream.”. Roman said, looking at the three of them. 

Logan looked confused at Roman, his mouth slightly open as he turned to face Patton and Virgil. They both nodded. That was the answer Logan needed, he quickly embraced Roman in a hug, who happily hugged him back. Patton stood up, joining the hug, giggling as they adjusted their embraces. 

Virgil also stood up, but instead of joining, he looked at them from afar. They looked so happy, so full of love. Roman took a turn to spin each of them around, Patton giggling happily while Logan blushed hard. When he turned to Virgil, his happy smile became worried. 

“Is everything okay, my love?”. He asked.

Everyone looked back at Virgil, who shyly looked away. He unintentionally fiddled with his hoodie sleeves, a habit he had developed. 

“Virgil?”. Logan asked, taking a hesitant step towards Virgil.

When Virgil didn’t back away from him, the others slowly followed Logan. Virgil let them all embrace him in a hug, Patton was whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Logan held his hand tightly while Roman hugged him, unsure of how to comfort the other. 

 

“I can’t believe you all found each other before me.”. Roman said, dramatically holding his hand on his forehead, sighing. 

They let go of Virgil, who quickly grabbed his notebook. He scribbled down a message on it, handing the note to Roman. 

‘Sorry for not telling you anything… I’m just so happy that we found you.’.

“Me too.”. Agreed Patton. 

“So am I”. Added Logan.

 

The four of them curled up in the couch. Virgil explained to the others why he had left and Roman explained how they ended up meeting each other. During the whole time, Patton stayed glued to both Virgil and Roman. Logan sat beside Virgil, carefully cuddling up to him.

They exchanged their stories with each other. How they growed up, how they ended up here and how long they had waited to find each other. They cuddled the whole day, neither of them wanting to leave the others sides. Everything felt perfect.


	4. ...I love you guys so much

It had been a couple months since they found Roman, their last piece. Virgil felt safer around the others and slowly accepted that he was welcome. Logan had began a new therapy session and was getting better at explaining his emotions. Patton felt like he had finally found his home and were happier than ever. He walked around in pretty dresses and Roman teached him to do flawless makeup. Roman, himself, had talked with his mothers, who cried of happiness. 

Everything was okay. 

They got to learn each other a lot better, everyone was comfortable around each other. Virgil, however, continued to keep his distance, but things got harder since Roman joined them. He too, was a heavy sleeper and usually cuddled up to Virgil when the others got out of bed. He refused to let go, until Patton and Logan called for them both. When Virgil was writing, Logan inched himself closer to the other, not stopping until he could feel the others warmth. Patton made sure to go get Virgil each time it was ‘family time’ as he called it, cheeking on him every now and then to make sure the other showed up. They tried so hard to make him feel welcome, and he appreciated it. 

In secret, Virgil worked on getting his voice back. He had to go through several exercises, since it was years since he had talked. But it was definitely worth it. 

 

So, here he was, in the doorway to the living room. His soulmates sat curled up together in the couch. Patton sat in the middle of them , Roman’s arm around his shoulder and Logan’s hand in his. They were all smiling, enjoying each others company. 

Virgil took a deep breath before entering. The others smiled at him. Patton’s smile was warm and reassuring. Virgil always melted at the sight. Logan’s smile was comforting, a feeling of security and understanding. Roman’s smile was safety, always inviting and helpful. 

‘Can we talk?’. 

All of them nodded reassuringly. But the worry was clear in their eyes. Virgil sat down beside them. He was thankful for the distance they kept. He shakily handed over the note. 

‘I never told you guys anything… I was worried you would hate me for it, and I almost left you because I was so scared… neither of you would have known me, if I didn’t find you first…

But I’m so thankful for all off this… I couldn’t be more happy with you in my life… You help me so much… So, that’s why I’m telling you this… 

When I was five, I was diagnosed with selective mutism… My parents tried almost everything to help me… but I remained mute… nothing worked...

I’m so sorry for not telling you earlier… I was just so afraid that you would hate me for it…’. 

It became quiet, the three of them stared at the note. Virgil uncomfortably shifted in his seat. After a while he made an attempt to stand up, hoping he could just leave without hurting them more than he had already done. 

They stopped him. All of them embracing him in a hug. Virgil flinched but made no attempt to break away. 

“You don’t have to be scared… we’re not mad…”. Logan began, Patton following shortly after.

“We understand you… it must be hard to trust someone with that kind of information… We’re so proud you trusted us…”. Patton explained. 

“You can tell us anything, you know that right? We won’t judge you… We understand how hard this can be… but know that we support you, whether you talk or not.”. Roman finished. 

Virgil was crying now, his vision blurry and his knees failing to keep him standing. Logan noticed and quickly lead them to the couch again. They shifted a bit, so everyone was comfortable. Their embraces were quickly returned. 

“...I love you guys so much.”. Virgil managed to get out, his voice raspy but so full of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story. ✩
> 
> This story contains heavy subjects and can be hard to read. I’m well aware of that. Life isn’t always easy, it’s not always good, but that’s life. Even if it’s sounds cliche, remember that life gets better. Remember that you are important. You do matter. You are amazing. 
> 
> Stay safe everyone and remember to be careful ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Remember to be careful ✩


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